


Exposing Touch

by TempusNoKitsune



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Artist Steve Rogers, Boys In Love, Dorks in Love, M/M, Soul Bond, Teacher Steve, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tony Being Tony, Tony Feels, Tony Has Issues, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, tony x pepper breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-25 15:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14979779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TempusNoKitsune/pseuds/TempusNoKitsune
Summary: He knew that soul matches were real, and he knew that he would never have one.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Short entry into this little world.

Tony had always believed that people were made for each other. Ever since he was little he was convinced that somewhere out there someone had a match, another person waiting just for them. That person that you always daydream about, the one that you imagine without a face, or a voice, to fill the voids. He believed that that person was real, that the figment of your imagination was the shadow of the person that you were meant to find. Despite the disbelief of many people, even when faced with the reality of a couple who would quite literally glow in the presence of one another. Tony was a firm believer in the solidity of the idea, he could feel in his bones that it was true.

He had always believed in that soul match, even as his father's tenor echoed through the halls. The heightened pitch and amplified sounds aimed at a silent figure, standing tall against the beratement. Tony, even at 8 years old, knew. He knew that soul matches were real, and he knew that he would never have one.

He pressed up against the cool glass of his father's workshop, the oils on his fingers smearing against the glistening surface, reclining slowly forward until his head rested gently above his hands. His eyes were glued to his mother's steadfast form, chocolate eyes unwavering against harsh blue judgment. Her hands were fisted by her sides, but she said nothing, just taking wave after wave of his father's shouting.

The man was stumbling over his words, the way he spoke hardly even made sense. His face was strained like he was in pain, almost as if he didn’t want to be saying the things that he was. The flush high on his cheeks made his brilliant blue eyes, shocking in color and bloodshot around the edges, stand out. Howard’s body pitched forward, his face pinching up, until he was in Maria’s arms.

His mother gently enveloped the now shaking man, his face buried deeply in her shoulder, and the silence was deafening. Tony wanted to believe that he was right. Right that there were soul matches, and maybe even right that his parents were not a match, because as he stood there watching, a gesture that should have been grandly loving, to him was nothing.

Touch meant almost nothing, just a way to get people to do something that you want. A way to get people to be a certain thing. A way to make yourself into something else. A way to make anything something else. He hated touch, but all of soul matching...it was all connected by touch. How else could you show you cared?


	2. Chapter 2

Tony shrunk away from the light, burying himself underneath his covers, and growling out a rough, resounding, “ _ close _ ”. The word vibrated in his chest, leaving his mouth sounding more like an animalistic growl than English. However, with the command the curtains shifted in front of the windows, a faint mechanical whirr following the motion, and a soft rush of air from the bruising of one curtain against the other as they pulled themselves closed. He curled in on himself, trying to conserve the heat his body had produced overnight.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly as the sound of his door opening echoed through the room, soft footfalls nearing the edge of his bed. Through years of practice he remained perfectly still, his breaths even and slow in the perfect simulation of sleep. However, that would not be enough to fool Pepper. The redhead slung herself forward, landing forcefully on Tony’s midsection. He let out a moan as the air forced itself out of his lungs, curling more into himself.

“Pe-hep!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there To-ny.” Her voice bounced as she talked, the smile evident in her voice. 

He groaned and shoved his face into his pillow, refusing to move despite the redhead situated on his side. He grit his teeth together, pulled in a breath through them, and shifted in an attempt to remove Pepper from his person. She let out a soft sound of compliance. Pepper was understanding, and despite the fact that Tony had never come out straight in saying that he had “issues” with...being close to people, she knew. Pepper knew everything. It was actually kind of scary, or creepy, take your pick. That’s what you get for being friends with the daughter of a federal agent.

“Come on Tony, it’s almost 2 o’clock! How could you just let the day waste away?”

He grumbled into his pillow, and pulled the sheets back over his head from where they had gotten pulled by Pepper’s weight.

“Tony!” He could practically hear her hands on her hips. “We were going to go out to the movies today, I know you don’t really care, but I would actually like to do something before I have to go back to school.”

“Then go without me.”

She let out an exasperated sigh, and his bed dipped slightly as she sat on the side. She threw herself back, arms splayed out in a starfish position. “I didn’t really want to see that movie anyway.”

He poked his head up slightly, peering down at the red bob of hair on the other side of his bed, the splayed out crown of auburn hair peeking up over his turned back. He’d wondered, and actually was still wondering, at the possibility of his soul match compatibility with Pepper. She read him like a book, no matter how frayed the pages. Her ability to sense his emotions and accommodate him, as well as be stern and say...feisty, with him, made them fit together like puzzle pieces. She respected his ticks, and he respected hers, both within reason of course. They seemed like they could very well be a match. Two souls already in orbit.

He flipped the covers away and thumped the top of Peppers head. “Let’s go see the movie. Rhodey’ll kill us if we’re late.”

“Since when do you care about being late?”

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

He hated people. So much. People sucked.

He jumped to the side as metal knocked into his elbow, throwing a glare back at the whirring machine at his side. 

Robots. Robots sucked too -You rolled back a bit, lifting up the card piece that Tony had been looking for earlier- ...but less.

“Sir, Mrs. Potts is requesting entrance.”

The side of his mouth twitched down and he hunched further over the mess of mechanics on his table. “Denied.”

“Excuse me?” 

He clenched his teeth together as the clicking of heels approached him from behind, grinding out a soft, “Traitor,” before whirling around to face the beast that was an angry Pepper.

“Hello honey.”

Pepper raised an eyebrow and walked straight past Tony, arm grazing his own -something that he fought not to flinch at- as she swiftly snagged a file from behind his back.

He shifted a bit uncomfortably, trying to shake off the touch. “What? No hello kiss? No, how was your day?”

“You didn’t come to the meeting today.”

“I dropped a note.”

“You sent the operating officer of one of our main backers a fruit basket apologising for your lack of interest in her company.”

“Did I do that?”

JARVIS’s voice rung out clearly from all sides of the room. “Sir had it ordered at precisely 4:00 this morning.”

“That...sounds like me. Look, I’ll apologise Pep, JARVIS send the lady some chocolates or flowers or something, with a nice little note that sounds like I put time and effort into it.”

“Yes sir.”

“Tony, this isn’t funny. You know that I don’t expect much from you, but there are some things that I just can’t atone for. I may be in charge of this company now, but it’s still some of your genius that runs it. Despite the fact that you may not feel like it, or you get bored with it, you still have to contribute in order to keep this company a success.”

“Hey, you make it sound like I’m not doing anything.” He turned on his heel to follow Pepper’s motion, the redhead's eyes scanning restlessly over each paper in the manila folder propped open in her hands. His eyes followed the daft movement of her fingers, the thought of her skin against his own in her reach for the folder crept up on him, and pins and needles ran up and down his arm, forcing him to lean forward on the table. He swiftly turned the motion into something smooth and casual, using it as a move towards her as if trying to coerce her to see things his way. “Look around you Pep, the genius doesn't stop.”

Her eyes fluttered up, and narrowed. She leaned into his space, something she knew set him on edge, and locked eyes. “You might mean well, doing whatever it is you want down here, but Tony, above ground I’m doing the things that you were meant to be doing, but without the ability to support everything I run. I’m not a reliant person, you know that. But if you don’t cooperate the 2 out of 14 million times that I need you to, I will personally come down here and monitor everything that you do until it gets done. That means no extracurricular tinkering, no other projects, eating and sleeping on time, and the slipping away of everything that I normally work to do upstairs. Do you understand me?”

He was frozen to the spot, trapped by her steely gaze. She slid forward a bit at his hesitance, hands gently moving to cover his own. “I’m not taking this anymore Tony, you need to tell me that you’re going to work with me, not against me.”

He pulled in a deep breath, flinching back from the touch of her hands. She closed her eyes as he pulled back, both of them letting out two very different audible sighs.

“I’ll try.”

She looked back at him hesitantly before her gaze warmed a bit. “Alright Tony. I’ll trust you this time, okay? But really, this extra stress is becoming something more than I can handle.”

He let his head dip forward slightly, and looked up at her through his eyelashes, lips turning up into a teasing smirk. “Too much for you to handle? The world must be coming to an end Ms. Potts.”

Her vibrant green eyes rolled at him before she turned on one shiny heel, raising a hand as if to dismiss him as she walked out of the lab. “Don’t push your luck Mr.Stark, I don’t know what you would ever do without me.”

She threw a small smile back over her shoulder before starting up the stairs.

It was funny. His chest fluttered a bit, and his stomach dropped as he returned the little smile with a widening of his smirk before his eyes fell to the table that was still bearing most of his weight. 

What the hell…

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

Tony has discovered the mysteries of touch. Well, not really. But even so- he thinks as Peppers arms secure themselves around his shoulders -there has to be something to the fact that contact with Pepper has become much less of a grueling event then it used to be.

They’ve been dating for a while now. Comfortably interacting with one another very much as adults. The affinity of their souls most definitely had something to do with that, that was Tony’s executive ruling. After years of thinking, of agonizing over whether or not his speculations that he was destined to be alone were true, Pepper took his hand and yanked him forcefully out of his stupor.  

He let his head tilt to the side, gently resting against the vibrant red hair of his counterpart. Their clothes brushed gently as they swayed from side to side, the underwhelmingly soft music the only other sound besides the rustling of the cotton and polyester, and his increasingly troubled breathing. Pepper...close…alone...He’d allowed himself to think on this for far too long. His ability to doubt himself and the world never failed, and their dance was cut short by panic.

He breezily turned on his heel, making a quick retreat to the safehouse, his lab. He could almost hear Pepper’s soft sigh at his hasty exit, of course this wasn’t the first time that this had happened. Throughout the years that they had known each other Tony had been known to take off, especially in situations in which he felt something unsettling on a personal level. There was very little doubt in his mind that she knew exactly why he retreated, despite the fact that Tony hardly knew himself.

He let out a heavily laboured breath as he slouched against the cold glass door of the lab, sliding slowly down to the floor. He felt like a kid again as the cold soaked through his shirt and he slowly pulled his knees to his chest, burying his face in the spaces in between. He let out a short breath that came out sounding like something more of a sob. 

Pepper was going to be unhappy. Despite the fact that the woman was generally, exceedingly, accepting and forgiving of the laundry list that were Tony’s flaws, this was becoming something excessive and exhausting. 

He rubbed his forehead against his knees as if trying to get rid of the thoughts in his mind by using his pants as an eraser. He was stupid, so incredibly stupid. Everything about him was stupid, from the little quirks that he had, to his massive ego, anxieties, and paranoia. His breath caught in his throat and he tried very desperately to hold himself together, gripping his knees tighter and curling in on himself until his muscles protested against his efforts.

He started when a gentle hand landed on the back of his neck, but Pepper didn’t say a word. Lithe fingers rubbed gentle circles at the base of his neck as he worked to calm himself down. Something wasn’t working, and he had a suspicion that that something might just be him.

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

Tony thought that the panicking thing had gotten better. He really had, but now, standing in front of a mirror as he restlessly looked himself over for the hundredth time in the last three minutes, he really wasn’t so sure.

When he picked her up Pepper assured him- with a sweet smile gently turning up the corners of her shiny pink lips -that this was a good kind of panic. Sitting across from the redhead, entranced by an amused smile and  brilliantly green eyes, Tony decides that she was right. Pepper was always right.

That seemed to be a bit of an unfortunate thing, however. The day that Tony firmly declared them dating, a moment that despite his aspirations had turned out to be the two of them watching a movie together. Pepper snuggled up against his side and Tony looked down to see the soft contented smile on Pepper's face as she leaned into him. Then without warning, he pulled her into an awkward and bruising kiss, growling mine and initiating the soul courting with Pepper laughing at him as he tried not to be freaked out by the glow radiating from their skin.

He had really thought that she was the one then. He had never once initiated soul courting, though he knew that many others often did so many times throughout their life. The soul courting ritual was easy and almost instinctive, often a pair never really knew when or if they were ever going to be in a soul relationship. The sealing bond of two soul mates was a kiss of absolute love. Completely pure. Nothing else could be on either of the couple's minds, and their souls had to click into place. If it happened you would know, if not by the feeling, then by the intense light that would radiate from your skin- much brighter than that which came from the initiation of soul courting.

Tony had been so sure that it was Pepper, because it had always been Pepper. But then one day, he wasn’t.

It wasn’t terribly unusual for the two of them to fight, in the loving bickering kind of way, quite often not in a violent rush. But this day was different. This day Tony’s heart was in his throat and all of the sudden he had no clue what he was doing. His chest was tight, and his throat raw as his voice threw itself throughout his house, consistently raising in volume and intensity.

They were fighting, but he couldn’t remember why. Every word that flew from each of their lips was poison. It was like throwing knifes at one another, waiting to see who would hit the others heart first. He couldn’t make himself stop, the words were just flying off of his tongue. He felt sick, like he could throw up at any moment, but he was also very aware of the blood boiling in his veins.

And that was it. Something had broken in him. Something that told him just what he had been starting to forget, the fact that he would always be alone. The little voice was no longer just a quiet suggestion nagging at him until the feelings bubbled up. No, this time the voice was screaming, taking over all reasonable thought. With a large breath Tony let out a shockingly foul string of words, and promptly broke their connection.

There was a slight stinging sensation in his chest and similar to the faint glow that had emanated from their skin at the initiation of the courting, there was a deep red light coursing around their figures, and in the space between them. The two of them had almost always been together, and now Tony was almost positive that what had been a constant in his hectic and unforgiving life was going to change.

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

It had been a year since then. A year since Tony’s last relationship, and a year since he and Pepper had had a conversation for more than 10 minutes without it getting awkward. He still put on a show in public. One flashier and grander than the ones before. He was still a popular figure, as well as a prolific technical genius. And he was just as alone as he had ever been.

The brunette stuffed his hands into his pockets, shrinking back into his hoodie as though the jacket could hide him from the world. His head tilted up slightly, the edge of a soft blue sign becoming visible as he continued to move forward. The dark red hood fell over Tony’s eyes as he ducked his head forward once again, pushing into the coffee shop.

The small room was rustic, filled with warm browns and greens, and soft lighting. The air was thick with the rich smell of freshly ground coffee, and the signature light chatter of a well loved coffee shop. When he got to the counter (which was empty, thank God), he quickly placed his order, slipping the barista a fifty to keep her mouth shut. The girl’s face went quickly from a look of shock to an almost triumphant smile, sending him to the pick up counter with a dainty wave of her hand and a, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you sir.”

For some reason Tony doubted the validity of that comment, but perhaps that was just the slight twinge of paranoia that he had learned from a lifetime of being chased by the media. However, his coffee did come out impeccably fast, and he left the girl a little extra tip just in case. Tony’s hand slipped around the cup, the warmth of the freshly brewed coffee seeping through the zarf. And then all over the front of his jacket.

The large cup slipped from his grasp as he was roughly jostled from behind, the relative silence of the shop cut by the sound of his pained hiss and the waterfall of hurried, I’m sorry’s coming from who ever had bumped into him. After the initial moment of pain, and the  _ shit I lost my coffee _ , Tony ultimately turned around to face the perpetrator. However, said man was a few inches taller, forcing his gaze to move up into panicked blue eyes.

There was something there, something very strange. All of the sudden the hot coffee soaking his hoodie ran cold while his blood began to boil. Large hands grabbed onto his shoulders, and Tony vaguely remembered not liking being touched as something in his chest began to sting. For a moment he could have sworn that he had seen a faint blue hue appear around the man...wait...What the hell!

His helpful inner mind broke him out of his trance, pushing back enough so that the man’s hands fell to his sides that look that seemed all too much like that of a kicked puppy, staying on his face.

“It’s fine.” He growled out in a low voice, pushing the strange sensations flowing through his body as far away as he could, and trying to keep the scene to an absolute minimum. “Just, don’t worry about it, don’t touch me, and we can go on our merry ways.”

All he wanted to do was to get home. Everyone who knew Tony thought of him as a people person, which was true when he was drunk or acting, and false the rest of the time. He’d already gartered enough attention just by the noise of the issue, he didn’t need any more.

He began to push by the tall blonde, but the man stubbornly caught hold of his wrist.

Tony’s head snapped back, agitation beginning to boil over with the overwhelming circumstances. “What?”

“At least let me apologize properly? I’ll buy you a coffee.” Then the blonde turned on the sweetest smile he had ever seen, and oh, Tony thought he was going to be sick.

“I don’t think-” But it was at that time that Tony was about ready to shake this guy off and make a run for it, that he not only caught the eye contact of some of the patrons, but the sight of Pepper walking in with someone not all that familiar. The image of the redhead was enough to have him spinning back around, giving the blonde an appraising look before begrudgingly agreeing to let him pay for a new coffee. What his luck.

Tony had known that Pepper had been seeing other people. She was a smart, independent, and beautiful individual, and it didn’t even surprise him that people would want to take her out. The hard part was the fact that Pepper had said yes. Tony hardly had the stamina to go out with people like Rhodey now, let alone actually go on dates. Sure he put on the act for the press, but that little nagging voice that told him he would always be alone had taken over most of his life...

Now, as unlucky as he was, Tony had never thought that he would have ended up at the same table as the guy, sipping on a coffee that probably costed half of his paycheck while Tony sat there with millions in the bank. To say that it was awkward was one of the biggest understatements of his life, but at least he didn’t seem to be the only one feeling that way. The blonde across the table kept shifting uncomfortably in his chair, his unfairly toned body twisting as though he couldn’t figure out exactly what way he was supposed to be sitting. Tony nearly physically hit himself in the head. He had met this guy less than ten minutes ago, didn’t know his name, and really shouldn’t be thinking about how good looking Mr. Baby Blues sitting across from him was.

The blonde coughed. “My name’s Steve…by the way. Steve Rogers.”

And shit. Judging by the slowly intensifying blush on the other, Steve’s, face, that last part hadn’t been all in his head. Sucking in a deep breath Tony did the only thing that he knew how to do, be suave. He flashed Steve a thousand watt smile, and offered up his hand across the table.

“I would say nice to meet you, but considering the fact that the first thing you did to me was manage to spill my coffee all the way down my jacket, I’m not sure if “nice” is really the word that I’m looking for.” Just forget that the little slip happened.

Steve took his hand in a firm handshake, shrinking back sheepishly at Tony’s comment. “Again, I am really sorry about that.”

Despite the ability for the statement to have some really good sarcastic impact the guy seemed genuinely sorry. Tony’s walls fell a little bit, but  _ only _ a little bit.

“If you can keep quiet I’ll tell you who I am.”

The blonde’s eyebrows went up. “Like you’re some kind of superstar or something? I didn’t recognize you.”

“Oh now the sass comes out?” Tony smirked teasingly across the table, enjoying the fact that it was so easy to make this man flustered. “Yeah, something like that, but I’ll just assume that’s a yes, and if it’s not I’ll pay you to keep your mouth shut.”

“That popular?”

“That rich.”

“So?”

“I’m Tony Stark.”

Steve sat back in his chair for a second, eyes running up and down Tony’s form as though he was weighing whether or not what he had said was true. “Okay, I’ll buy. Tony Stark is kind of a jerk anyway.”

“You don’t know me well enough to say that.”

“I know you well enough to believe you.”

His eyes narrowed. At first he had pinned this “Steve” as a sort of innocent character. A giant teddy bear that looked big and grizzly, but was really all soft and squishy. But maybe he was wrong. With each word they exchanged Tony was picking up a little bite to the man across from him. So, not only was the guy gorgeous and nice, but he had the potential to have a witty sarcastic attitude hidden in there somewhere. Tony likey.

My God did he really just think that? He needed to go home. Yes. He needed to find a way to sneak out of here, get past Pepper and mystery guy, and get home and have a real drink. Preferably something 70 proof or more.

“You look like you’re getting ready to run out of here. Did I say something wrong?”

He was drawn back into the conversation as the man in front of him broke the silence instituted by Tony’s million-mile-a-minute mind. “Nah, just have some business to take care of is all.” He said offhandedly, pushing away from the table and standing from his seat in one fluid motion.

“Ah, I see.” However, Steve didn’t look that convinced, and once again Tony got this weird feeling in his gut. Something was moving inside of him, lying heavy in his stomach and moving up to his chest. Damn, he thought that was just a one time thing. He really needed a drink. “Before you leave, is there anything else I can do? I know I bought you a coffee, which in hindsight I probably didn’t need to do, but I feel like that doesn’t really make up for drenching you in a hot cup of the stuff.”

Tony was about to wave the blonde off, give him a trademark smile while spitting out some bullshit that he had rehearsed for the public thousands of times, when he noticed that Pepper was situated right by the door. Because of course she was.

“Actually, do you think you could walk out with me?”

And there was definitely skepticism in the way that Steve looked at him then.

“Oh, calm down, it’s not like I’m going to rape you or anything. Though I’d hardly call it rape since there would most definitely be consent.”

Steve’s cheeks pinked just a bit as he sputtered out some nonsense in his defense, but he began to follow Tony regardless, acting as the perfect buffer between him and Pepper. When they were safely outside of the shop, and out of sight of the front windows, Tony gave the blond a little slap on the arm.

“For somebody that says hello by spilling someone's coffee on them you aren’t that bad.” Looking. Fuck.

“Thanks. I think.” The blonde reached back behind his head, rubbing the short blond hair sheepishly. “Sorry again about the whole coffee thing.”

Tony waved him off. “Don’t worry about it, you payed me back anyway didn’t you?” 

He shot the man a grin, getting a timid smile in return, before turning on his heel, ducking his head, and pushing back along the cracked sidewalk. Time to visit his best friend.

Booze.

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

Tony and Steve had run into each other a total of 7 times within the next month. At first it had been incredibly awkward, but Tony had a knack going either way. He was notoriously awkward to his friends, but notorious for diffusing situations to the public. One way or the other things worked themselves out. Though they did butt heads more often than not.

At one point they had run into each other at lunch time. Like, literally run into each other, which was strangely reminiscent of their first meeting. This led to some awkward stammering, and lunch on Tony. A slightly strained meal mostly comprised of awkward silences and pointless small talk, which would be a precursor for each time they met.

Somehow, no matter where they went they seemed to find one another. Tony began suspecting that there was some outside source purposefully pushing them together, but after a thorough investigation he found nothing of remote interest. 

Steve, he would find out, was an artist for a locally based comic book company, who taught middle school art classes on the side to earn some extra money. The blonde had also admitted to having been in the army, enlisting at 18 and staying his full term before pursuing his art career. Their meetings slowly began to ease, but that didn’t stop them from being littered with petty arguments that neither meant to, or remembered how they started. Tony still kind of felt as though the meetings were a waste of his valuable time, more often than not resulting in him either being late to, or completely missing, a meeting (not that he particularly liked going to meetings, but still).

However, as time went on, Tony found himself actually hoping that he might bump into Steve when he went out. He would get this funny feeling in his chest, and butterflies in his stomach when he stepped out of the door. This was starting to go too far, he was getting way too attached to a man that he had met by getting coffee spilled down his favourite hoodie. But Steve was really something. The blond was kind, considerate, sassy, sarcastic, a match for Tony in every sense of the word. That was when it hit him.

The feeling was like purposefully standing in the middle of train tracks to assure that the plow at the front would take him up head on. His mother had told him about the feeling she had gotten when she met his father. At first they hadn’t gotten along at all, butting heads at even the smallest of things. Maria had once told him of how they fought over the way that Howard’s tie ought to be knotted. But, she had said, even with all of the bickering that they did, she would find herself fervently hoping to run into him once again, her chest tightening with something unfamiliar while her stomach churned.

The words,  _ soul match _ , blared through his mind like a siren. Tony staggered back from the tall metal table housing his latest project. Chills ran up and down his spine, and his head began to throb. Two sirens matched each other's pitch, rapidly rising as though fighting one another. 

_ He’s your soul match.  _

_ You will always be alone. _

Tony didn’t even try to deny the drink that was calling out his name, drowning both of the voices that he didn’t want to hear out with a pleasant buzz. The brunette reclined against the excessively large sofa in his living room, the flat screen TV blaring some random show where the onset audience laughed too much. He vaguely registered J.A.R.V.I.S. talking, the elegant British accent wrapping around his foggy mind. How many drinks had he had now? Tony let out a tipsy laugh. He had stopped counting at 8. 

The last thing he remembered seeing before the fuzzy darkness at the edges of his vision consumed the visible light, was a blur of red, and two familiar green eyes peering down at him in a mixture of pity and concern.

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

He needed to stop drinking. It was a weakness for him, one that had been passed down from his father. But there was something about a glass of alcohol that nothing else would ever be able to give him. Blue eyes squeezed shut tightly as his Tony’s head pounded. He groaned, wincing as the noise reverberated through his aching body as he twisted sideways in a big stretch.

“Drink the water and take the aspirin. I called in sick for you today.” Exasperation. That’s what that sound was. No more pity, no more concern, but pure exasperation. Only one person was capable of that much unadulterated emotion for Tony. 

“Pepper.”

There was a heavy sigh. “Yes, Tony?”

“I’m in love. Shoot me.”

A strong hand came down on his shoulder, and Tony could make out the sweet smell of the apple shampoo that Pepper used as her head dipped down. He slowly blinked his eyes open, only to be met with an incredulous stare.

“Excuse me?”

He blew out a sour puff of air, making the redhead’s nose pinch in disgust, but darn that woman and her immunity to his antics, she didn’t budge an inch.

“Are you deaf or something? Losing your touch without me around all the time?”

Pepper snorted, and ouch, that kind of stung. He tried to shake her hand off, wary of the physical connection. “Hardly. Now, tell me what you mean. Don’t try to skip around this Tony, we both know better.”

He pulled a deep breath in through his nose, wincing at the spike of pain that came with the strong motion. 

“I think I found my soul match.”

“Tony…” The redhead sounded a bit breathless, as though the words he had just said had the power to snatch the air away from her lungs. “That’s great, no, that’s amazing!”

Through familiar green eyes he caught a glimpse of the Pepper he used to know. The Pepper that had teased him mercilessly growing up. The Pepper with the great big smile and mischievous side. The Pepper that was always there for him, no matter how much of a jerk he had been.

“No.” He dragged out the word, rolling over to bury his face into a wrinkled pillow case. 

“Tony, what the hell is wrong with you? This is great! You found them, this should be the happiest moment of your life.”

He mumbled unintelligibly into the fabric beneath him, and Pepper let out a huff before forcing his head away from the pillow to look at her. It felt awkward, her hands on his face, his neck twisted at an awkward angle, but their eyes connected nonetheless.

“What?”

“I said,” He gave a little cough as though preparing for a grand speech, earning him an eye roll. He tried to push it all back, to maintain his exterior, but it had been too long. After years of successfully hiding away his dying breath, the little voice called out to Pepper, his ex of all people. “I don’t have a soul match.”

If Tony hadn’t thought this this whole situation was already awkward, he would have now. Pepper released her grip on his head, straightening up to let out a bitter laugh.

“You really believe that, don’t you?”

Tony pushed himself up into a sitting position, peering over at Pepper through a curtain of mussed hair. “Why shouldn’t I? It’s true.”

The laughter continued, but the sound itself was more like a strained and biting cough, making shivers run down his spine.

“For a genius you are probably the most stupid person I know.”

He twisted suddenly in her direction, getting ready to jump up in his own defense. Venemous eyes made all words die on his lips.

“What makes you think you’re so special?” She took an intimidating step forward, her stance making her tall as her shadow doubled over Tony’s figure. “Are you so desperate to be different that you would make up something so heart wrenchingly idiotic just to make yourself stand out from everyone else?” A scoff pushed through pretty pink lips. “I don’t care that you had what you thought was a sucky childhood. I don’t care that you have an extreme phobia related to touch, and I don’t care that you’re so stubborn that you have resolved to throw yourself and eternal pity party...Tony,” This time the scoff was replaced with a sigh as the woman slowly lowered herself to the bed by his side, the mattress dipping slightly more under their combined weight. “You may think that you’re not worth very much, but I know better than that. You are an amazing person in your very own way, and not only do you have a soul match, but you deserve one.”

“Pepper…”

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

Tony was an idiot. He was a genius, but an idiot. The billionaire couldn’t keep his body still, hands shoved deep into worn pockets to avoid the jittery hand movements he did when he was nervous. He was already in denial of the fact that the nerves running through his system were causing him to shake, the coffee in his hands unusually bland and tasteless as he unsheathed his hands long enough to bring the cup to his mouth.

The navy hood on his jacket drooped down over his eyes, casting a dark shadow over his face as brilliant electric blues kept themselves fixed on the door. His muscles tightened almost instinctively, blood going cold as though his body were getting ready to shut down at the first sight of perfectly golden hair. 

Sometimes Tony really hated his life. Not only had he somehow fallen in love, which was never supposed to happen after Pepper- because Tony was supposed to be, was destined to be, alone -but he was also in love with the most mind bogglingly perfect person. Like, Steve was the perfect embodiment of a human golden retriever, and Tony was more...a black cat.

Baby blues lit up as they landed on Tony’s familiar form. The engineer wouldn’t be surprised if Steve was able to spot him from a plane by now. It was that stupid connection. Something that Tony had actually scientifically set about disproving, now warmed his body like a fire during the dead of winter. The pleasant heat spread from his chest all the way to the tips of his fingers, increasing in intensity as stupid Steve’s stupid smile grew. DAMNIT.

_ You don’t really love him. He’s not really your soul match. It’s a trick. You don’t have one of those. _

_ “Are you so desperate to be different that you would make up something so heart wrenchingly idiotic just to make yourself stand out from everyone else?” _

He scoffed under his breath. “Oh shut up Pepper.”

“Huh?”

Tony nearly jumped in his seat at the noise, eyes suddenly focusing on Steve’s too close form as the other man stood over him, eyebrows furrowed adorably. No, not adorably, stupidly. Yeah, he looked dumb, like the cutest fucking-  _ shit. _

“Steve!” And he got up too quickly, the jerky motion bringing him to his feet in such a rough transition that the toe of his shoe caught onto the foot of the table, making him pitch forward and bash his nose right into Steve’s face.

The blonde reeled back, hand coming up to cover the spot that Tony had crashed into, before his mouth twisted up at the corners with barely controlled laughter.

“Ow, damnit!”

“Are you okay Tony?” Steve’s voice was muffled by his hand as he held it over his own nose, for a moment Tony panicked, quickly swiping a hand over the silky bristles of his facial hair to see if tanned skin would come away stained with blood. Luckily he hadn’t hit Steve hard enough to do any real damage.

“Yeah, you?”

The blonde nodded, that great big goofy grin still taking over his face. Tony briefly wondered when it was that they had started smiling at one another as Steve slid into the seat across from him. The brave soul actually reached out for Tony’s coffee, carefully taking of the lid before lifting the cup to his lips. And Tony let him. Tony let him drink his coffee. Damn, he was completely screwed.

“I love you.” Shit. Shit shit fuck. Fucking hell shit fuck damn fucking shit. Abort, abort.

“What?” He looked surprised, brow furrowed as he leaned forward slightly. Of course he was surprised, Tony just dropped a huge bombshell on him with absolutely no warning.

“Ha ha...fuck. I’m gonna go-” Tony hardly gets two steps before Steve’s hand is fastened around his arm. He can feel his panic rise exponentially at the physical contact.

“Wait...What did you say?”

Blue eyes screw shut for a moment, trying frantically to pull himself out of Steve’s grip, but damn he was strong. The touch spread through his body, sending pins and needles up his arm, the pleasant heat that rested in his chest giving away to something far less pleasant as his stomach sunk to his feet. The physical contact was too much, too much.

The shorter of the two pulled violently forward. It didn’t matter how much it hurt, he just had to get away from the touch. Anything to get away from the touch. Steve seemed to get the message after a moment, slowly loosening his grip so that Tony could get free without falling on his face.

It felt hard to breathe, his shoulders heaving with each intake of air. Tony could feel Steve hovering behind him, his concern was a heavier weight than his hand. They were lucky that the cafe was as empty as it was, or they were sure to have made a scene by now. The only other people there were the baristas, who really couldn’t care less, and two college students huddled in the corner, ears covered with some of those enormous headphones.

Striking blue eyes closed shut for a moment, cool air passing through his lips in a steady stream.

“I’d rather not repeat it, ‘k? I’ll just go.” That was the cue for his legs to start moving, but they didn’t seem to agree with his brain, just as he was taking a tentative step forward Steve’s voice, a beautiful sound laden with the concern he had felt like a tidal wave, stopped him in his tracks.

“Anthony.” A pause. “Look at me, please.”

It was Steve’s teacher voice. Tony really liked Steve’s teacher voice, even though in the moment it kind of made him feel like a bad kid. And damn, he really didn’t want to turn around, he should just leave. It would be easy, to just walk away. But Tony’s body and mind were on two different tracks, the overwhelming feeling of something warm grabbing onto him, slowly turning him around. Steve’s hands were clenched at his sides.

“You said you loved me.”

The  _ slightly _ shorter man’s face was set in a deadpan expression.  _ Could we just not have this conversation, please. _

“So you-” The blonde swallowed thickly, blood rising to the tops of his cheeks. “You feel it too?”

That caught him off guard. “I what?”

It was a little strange to see such a large man fidgeting the way that Steve was in that moment, eyes anywhere but on him. “The-” The blonde took in a big breath. “The soul thing. that warm feeling. You feel it too right. The match.”

Dark brown hair fell into his eyes as he shook his head back and forth. “I don’t have a soul match.”

“That’s just silly.”

Two different shades of blue connected at that. 

“What?”

Golden eyebrows were furrowed once again, and Steve had never looked more like a kicked puppy than he did in that moment. “That’s not true and you know it, even if you don’t feel the same thing that I do. You will, with someone.”

“I’m not like you Steve. I’m not nice. I’m not all that good with people. No one wants me like they’d want you.”

“I do.”

_ Shit shit fuck damn shit fuckity fuck. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finishing up the end bit, which I decided to post as a separate chapter from the rest of the story because it's not only a good bit longer than many of the other parts, but it's also...y'know...really important.  
> So I hope that you like it!  
> Please feel free to leave criticisms (and/or anything for editing as I'm the only one that's looked over my stories), and as always comments give me life and motivation.
> 
> -Castor


	3. Chapter 3

Tony pulls in a sharp breath through his teeth. After a few more awkward moments, in which Tony’s brain was rather unhelpfully doing cartwheels, they both seemed to realize that they were, in fact, in a very public place. He huffed out a shallow breath and grabbed tightly onto Steve’s hand. Where the contact had been to much only minutes ago, it now sent pleasant shivers and waves up calm up his spine. He’s also pretty sure that as he turns around and begins leading Steve to his place that he can see that faint blue glow from the first time they met emanating from pale skin.

The trip there is not only thankfully uneventful, but also completely silent. It isn’t until they’re safely in the elevator that the silence is broken.

“Tony-” Steve starts, and Tony goes to move up his hand in a gesture to stop conversation, only to find his dominant hand still liked with the blonde’s own. Surprisingly enough he doesn’t feel any discomfort from i, which is enough to set his stomach aflutter again. 

“You...you don’t get this. I just need- can we wait until we’re in my lab?”

He almost jumps when Steve gives his hand a little reassuring squeeze.

“Alright.”

Tony’s foot begins tapping anxiously against the floor of its own accord, and his chest feels as though it’s tightening each second that passes. When the elevator door opens up he almost runs out of it, hauling Steve into the workshop.

“JARVIS, initiate lock down. If anyone needs me tell them that I’m- I don’t know,” He makes a vague sweeping motion, “otherwise occupied. Urgent messages filter through you.”

“Yes, Master Stark.”

“You just talked to your ceiling…” Steve starts tentatively, “And it talked back.”

Tony waves his free hand around in a dismissive motion. “Yeah, genius. AI. Not the most important thing right now.”

For a second he considers letting go of Steve’s hand. It would probably make the whole, talking about the relationship that might possibly exist but that he can’t let exist because of reasons a lot easier, but then he looks at Steve’s face, and yeah, if this is the last chance he gets then he’s going to hold onto Steve as long as possible.

Steve nods slowly, as though trying to process the JARVIS thing, and Tony needed to get this back on track before he lost Steve to the wonders of his workshop.

“So, I…” He tries, but the words die even before they make it to his mouth. “We-I can’t.”

Usually he could write entire books on why this can’t happen. On why he can’t have a soulmate. But now, looking dead on into those big baby blues it’s like his heart is stuck right up in his throat, and he  _ hates _ it.

“You...can’t.” Steve repeats slowly, sounding incredulous. His eyebrows are raised up and the look on his face says that he’s seeing right through Tony’s apparent bullshit.

Tony’s frustration levels go from 50 to 100 in a millisecond, and he stomps his foot and throws up his right hand- the one not trying to break Steve’s hand. 

“No, I can’t!” He wants to pull his hair out, scream, anything. But of course that’s too much to ask, because his carefully constructed dam breaks under the increased pressure, and instead of his words drying up again, now they start spilling out uncontrollably. 

“You just don’t understand Steve. I know it sounds stupid and selfish, and hell whatever else Pepper has told me, but I can’t do this! This can’t happen to me! Soul matches are made for people that deserve them, that can love and be loved, but I’m not like that. I can’t reassure people, I can’t feel their emotions! I hate touching people. It makes my skin feel like it’s on fire. I can’t stand being physical, and that’s what soul bonds are all about! Hell, if you don’t believe me, just look at my attempt at soul-courting! Look at how well that ended. I ruined one of my only friendships! I took her, and instead of giving her the touch she needed and the love she deserved, I pushed her to the side and treated her like crap! I became my father, but worse, because when it came down to it I could hardly even hug her without spiraling into panic!” He cut off with something that sounded too much like a sob for comfort. At some point Tony had closed his eyes, and now with the hot tingling feeling pressing in he was afraid to open them, but Steve makes a little noise to grab his attention.

“Tony…” Steve’s face was open, and his eyes were glassy like Tony wasn’t the only on on the brink of tears. “I-” 

Instead of continuing on Steve slowly raises his hand and...Tony’s was still tightly intertwined with it. They had both been grasping onto each other like a lifeline, and there are angry red crescent shaped marks just below each of their knuckles. This time Tony actually does sob, and he remembers thinking about letting go and how he was hesitant to do so, and the tears in his eyes are clouding his vision. 

“Are you- do you...want to let go?” Steve asks quietly after a few moments.

Tony wants to nod, to say yes. He should say yes, it should be a yes. But unlike all of those times with Pepper, the woman that he was so sure was the one for him, there was no sense of panic. In fact, from their connection sprung something warm and comforting, and he decides that it’s okay that there are hot drops running off of his chin because Steve doesn’t look much better and God-

“ _ Fuck _ .” 

Steve lets out a little wet huff of laughter. “Yeah.” 

He slowly extricated his hand from Steve’s, maintaining eye contact as they drop physical contact. Suddenly a spark of cold shoots through him, and yeah, Steve is glowing. Like actually glowing a bright blue colour and Tony can’t see anything else.

“You deserve better.” He grates out.  _ You will always be alone. You can’t drag him down with you. _

Steve gives his head a little shake, and a couple of tears splash onto Tony’s desk. “Can I-can I kiss you?”

Tony’s mouth opens and closes like a fish on dry land. It’s too much, too much. He still has trouble with touching, even with Steve there had been moments where he couldn’t take it, no matter if there are times when it comforts him- after all, what if it’s just a bonding thing that goes away afterwards? The chances were that he would continue to have these touching issues, because he was so...so broken. 

“It’s not…” A good idea. It really isn’t. Not for beautiful, wonderful, perfect, amazing Steve.

“Please.” And Steve sounds on the brink of begging, his voice cracking as though he’s a teenager and not in his twenties. 

Tony chokes on his own spit- and oh yeah that’s really attractive Stark, way to kill the attraction even before you’ve inevitably ended up on the proverbial, or actual, couch. 

“I’m-” He makes a sound that’s kind of a mixture between a cough and a sob, and lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “My baggage has baggage, Steve.”

The blond just takes a step closer, and Tony stands his ground. 

“Then I’ll just have to help you carry it.” 

Well, shit.

“You don’t know what you’re getting into.” He warns as a last resort, but he’s already leaning in as though drawn through magnetic force. This is a horrible, horrible idea, but now they’re just inches away and Steve’s breath is cascading across his cheek, and-  _ God -  _ his lips are parted so invitingly.

“I think I do.” Steve whispers back, but instead of just closing the distance between them in finality he stands completely still as though giving  _ Tony _ the choice to back out.

“You- You’re-” He starts, but there’s really no good way to finish. Steve’s about as stubborn as he is, and he wouldn’t put it past him to stand here for hours on end until Tony makes the final move. “You’re going to be the end of me.”

Steve starts to laugh but before the sound can really get out Tony presses their lips together, one hand grasping the front of Steve’s very Steve-like polo, and the other pressing fingers into his hip as though he might disappear. Steve’s hands land on his shoulders as he swallows the laughter, and something just clicks.

The tears are flowing freely now, years of pent up feelings bubbling to the surface as he closes his eyes and just lets himself  _ feel. _

Steve makes a little noise as they pull apart to breathe, and if he didn’t know any better he’d say that it sounded like a whine. The smile that starts to pull at the corners of his mouth drops as he opens his eyes to the pulsing glow of light around them.

“Steve.” He says lowly.

He hadn’t initiated the soul courting during that kiss, and unless he had gone completely deaf in the last few minutes, neither had Steve.

The blond blinks his eyes open, and they widen a fraction.

“You’re glowing.”

“ _ You’re _ glowing.” He shoots back like a five year old.

“ _ Tony _ .”

“What?” He’s teetering on the edge of panic right now, just like the time that he had initiated the soul-courting with Pepper...only worse. The light is getting brighter and brighter. The light blue around Steve has darkened considerably to almost a navy colour, and is reaching out towards him in tendrils. From his peripheral vision he can just make out a burgundy-red colour emanating from his own skin, and oh great, yep, here comes the fast and shallow breaths where he’s not actually getting any air, yay.

“We’re bonding.”

Tony means to say something smart, or maybe even witty or sarcastic, but instead he starts laughing hysterically, and now both of his hands have a talon like grip on Steve’s hips, but he doesn’t really seem to mind. No, when Tony’s laughter starts to pitch down and his breathing becomes unavoidably audible Steve’s eyes are full of concern. Instead of shaking him, or slapping him out of it, or any number of other things that both Pepper and Rhodey have had to resort to in order to snap him out of it, Steve just moves one of his feet in to line up with Tony’s instep, and leans their foreheads together gently.

“It’s okay. I’m here. You’re okay. It’s scary, I know. I’m kind of scared too, but we can do this. Together.” Steve’s voice is like a lullaby, or maybe one of those whispery ASMR people, except for better because Tony can’t stand those people. “Breathe with me, Tony.”

He blinks repeatedly, more quickly than he really ought to without making himself disoriented, but it seems to help because now he’s not seeing little black spots. He let’s Steve’s words filter through and sink in, breaths slowly syncing. The light around them is a sort of golden purple, and there’s something coursing through him, between them, that he can’t quite pinpoint. His brain is definitely lacking any higher function right now, but Steve’s words are taking the edge off, and wow that gold rim looks like a halo.

“You’re…” He pulls in another long breath. “You’re like an angel.”

Steve snorts, and their noses bump awkwardly. Tony feels a dopey smile start to take over, partially due to the loopy lightheadedness, and partially because Steve is probably the best person on the Earth. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s just the dopamine rush, because you kind of look ethereal too.”

“You’re not going to be able to get rid of me now.”

“Have you thought that maybe I don’t want to?” Steve responds, not unkindly. 

Well, alright. Now Tony’s on yet another hill on this strange roller coaster, he’d already lost his stomach somewhere around the time Steve had held up their still connected hands.

“No?” He tilts his head slightly, but doesn't move away from the circle of Steve’s arms. “I mean, it’s not like we’re even dating or anything like that.”

“Are you sure about that?”

He blinks a couple of times. That’s actually...a pretty valid point now that he thinks about it. They go to lunch almost every other day, dinner about once a week, and coffee nearly every time that they bump into one another (which sometimes means more than once a day). Not to mention the texting, phone calls, and walks around parks and malls...

“No, not really.”

Steve smiles at that a drops a kiss on the end of Tony’s nose, which really ought to be weird or demeaning, but it’s actually really sweet, and how is Tony already this whipped?

“Now we’ll just get the chance to do it properly.” Steve says, his eyes shining in a way that makes Tony’s heart squeeze, and he’s not sure that it’s completely the fault of the bonding process that he thinks,  _ I would do anything to make sure that he always looks like this, that he’s always happy. Even if I am the world’s biggest screw up, if I can at least do this right, it will all be worth it.  _

“That sounds good.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Tony?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad it’s you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it!  
> This was a huge exercise in writing extreme infective third person, and it was actually really fun.   
> I hope that you enjoyed and please leave comments and kudos if you can (they're much appreciated)!
> 
> [There's a chance that I'll add an epilogue later, so keep an eye out for that]
> 
> -Castor

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> So, I'm a huge fan of soulmate AU's and I started this one some time in 2016...whoops.  
> I found it again and decided to re-vamp it and post it.  
> Hopefully people like it?
> 
> -Castor


End file.
